In This article, we’re going to be learning something about how to fix a broken relationship easily with relationship vision. I’ve always been interested in couples and relationships and how we connect and communicate. Or for that matter don’t connect and communicate.
And I wanted to know what does it mean to be fully present in a relationship or as the new what we’ve been talking a lot about lately in our society is how to be mindful and relationship.
We’re going to be discussing today for having an incredible relationship. My goal is to teach you some skills for you to have the relationship of your dreams. And I’m really pleased that you’re here with me today.
Today we’re going to be talking about something that’s very near and dear to my heart.
It’s called a Relationship vision.
Now one would ask why would we have a relationship vision. Well as you noticed from our first session intentionality is very important when you’re trying to create a great relationship so we’re doing things with mindfulness with intention.
And one of the things we want to happen in our relationship is we want to have some connection to how things develop in our relationship.
What happens with our partner what happens with travel what happens with our finances what happens with our intimacy what happens with our parenting. We want to have some intentionality about that where we live how we treat each other how we integrate with our families and our friends.
All of those things we want to have some intentionality around.
Now you may realize that people worked in business before that a lot of companies have a mission statement. Many companies do have a vision statement which is a little bit of a drilling down from their mission statement.
Well it’s very similar in that way it’s a guiding principle.
It keeps you on track that allows you to have a roadmap to where you want to take your relationship and of course there’s a lot of advantages to having a roadmap.
Things don’t just happen. You’re making them happen. You’re creating your relationship as opposed to having your relationship create you. You know we come to our relationships with different values different dreams different ideas about what we want for our relationship.
And frequently we don’t communicate that with each other. So things just happen and often times we get off track because my vision is very different than your vision.
So the question becomes how do we merge or visions how do we create one vision for the two of us. And that’s what I want to talk to you about today and we’re going to be doing an exercise which is just going to really help you create the relationship of your dreams.
How to Create The Relationship Vision Statement
We’re going to be taking a break and going to have you both separate and I want you to write 10 to 12 statements about how the two of you will in Iraq going forward.
I want you to imagine your relationship of your dreams now when you’re writing these items. I want you to write them in the present tense as if they’re already happening.
And you can imagine why you would do it that way if you write something as if it’s already happening. It has the power to manifest very quickly in your life.
It’s a very powerful way of saying something. You’re not saying you want something you’re not saying you wish it would happen this way you’re stating it as if it’s already happening.
So for example, you’re going to start every statement with we for example we respect to rely on and trust each other. This is my relationship vision. You see the little pictures we put up there it’s very nice. Another one we are truthful with each other we laugh a lot and make each other smile.
So you can see you start every sentence with we you use only positive terms. So you wouldn’t say we don’t fight. He would say we settle our differences peacefully.
You want to include behaviors that you used to do perhaps things that used to do that you stopped doing maybe you did in the past with each other when you first met. You want to consider things that you’re doing now that you want to continue to do that are important to you and you want to think of things that you aren’t doing that you would love to do in the future. So you can use this form.
It’s called My relationship page.
And you also have questions to help. This is kind of a cheat sheet. These are questions to help you focus on aspects of your ideal relationship.
For example, what do you do together, what activities have you played together and have fun together, where do you live, ultimately how do you live out your faith, how do you what do you do with your free time, how did the two of you relate around money, how do you relate around mutual friends and so on.
So you have this cheat list just to help you think through some of the things that will be in your vision statement.
So why don’t we take a few minutes and go ahead and do that and then we’ll come back together.
What we’re going to do is we’re going to merge our vision statements but before we do that what I’d like you to do is read your visions to each other. And I’d like to get a little practice with the mirror uring.
So each of you will mirror back what you hear your partner say. One statement at a time.
So again we’re going to take a little pause and I would like you to just go ahead.
Go to what each of you go through your whole list and have the other person mirror back once you’ve done that.
We’re then going to merge our statements how we are going to do that. What I want you to do is I want you to go through each of your statements again and wherever there are similarities because I’m sure many of the statements will be similar.
I want you to merge them into one. Just those statements that are similar.
You’ll have to agree to the salient points that you want to keep and maybe you like the way your partner stated something better than you and you’ll just say OK let’s just use yours.
So it’s up to you but I want you to merge them now. One thing that’s a little tricky is there maybe something on your partner’s vision statement that you disagree with.
For example, let’s say your partner says we go paragliding together and maybe that’s something you’re not quite ready for in your vision.
I want you to put it on.
I want you to draw a line on your vision statement and I want you to put it on the line and then we’re going to use the intentional dialogue to dialogue about those things. OK.
So now I want to go ahead. I want you to merge your statements into one. Now that you have your relationship vision what I want to ask you to do is use it. Do not put it on a shelf.
I’d like you to post it somewhere maybe in your bathroom somewhere where you can see it where it becomes a living breathing document.
It’s not cut in stone. This is something you’re going to adjust and adapt over time.
Maybe we’ll add to it maybe you’ll take something off of it.
Maybe you’ll start to drill down with it and maybe something that’s general goal of yours and you need to really start taking those steps to activate that goal to the next level.
So I want this to be a breathing document living document. And one of the ways to do that is to read it to each other every week.
So I really want you to have it close by and pick a day once a week where you take half one takes half of it takes the other half read it to each other and have the other partner mirror back just as we learned in the first session.
Mirror back exactly what you heard and go from there. And I trust and I believe that you will manifest the relationship of your dreams.
‘Caring Behaviors’ facts on a Relationship
Now we’re going to be talking about caring behaviors caring behaviors are such an important part of relationships what are caring behaviors.
There’s those things that you give to each other that makes you feel loved and cared about. So how and why do we give caring behaviors to each other that’s what we’re going to talk about today.
You know caring behaviors are kind of the thing that you know we know it would help the relationship we know the more we fill our relationship with caring things that are things that make our partner care and poor.
We know that there is going to be a better relationship. It’s obvious one and one makes two caring behaviors into your relationship.
It’s remarkably better. The problem is we all have different things that make us feel cared and loved about and loved. There’s a great book called Love Languages and I’d recommend it to all of you.
Basically the author did research and found that everybody has a different love language a different kind of way that they feel loved and cared for. So the key here is to begin to find out what are those things that make your partner feel loved and cared for.
It’s going to be very different than the things that make you feel loved and cared for.
For example, for your partner they may enjoy having you make them a cup of coffee every morning and bring it to them. Another person might appreciate it when we’re walking if you’ll hold my hand. Another caring behavior might be.
Tell me you love me every day. A caring behavior might be a back rub. A caring behavior might be buying me a present once in a while. See me out to dinner formerly in awhile. Buy tickets and surprise me with something.
Everybody has different caring behaviors but we have to find out what it is that makes our partner feel loved and cared for.
And the biggest problem that you see with a lot of couples is me assuming that I know because then we bring our partner something that we think they will love and makes them feel cared and love. But it backfires. They don’t.
And I’ll give you an example for about a year. I sent my wife roses on a monthly basis automatically delivered and I thought wow cat’s meow right. And her flowers I got it handled. She didn’t like roses at all.
So you know but she didn’t have the heart to tell me. That’s why we need to communicate we need to make what’s overt covert. We need to tell each other and that’s the practice we’re going to do today.
We’re going to do a practice now where we’re going to separate and each of you are going to take the form that you can download which says carrying my caring behaviors and you’re each going to take a few minutes and you’re going to write down five or 10 specific behaviors that make you feel loved and cared for.
I want you to think about those things that your partner did for you that you really appreciated and loved at the beginning of your relationship during this so-called romantic phase of your relationship. What happened to those behaviors.
It’s funny how in the beginning of a relationship we spend all this time thinking about what can I do for my partner and what can I bring. How can I make them feel cared for.
They kind of fall away as time goes on if we don’t stay on top of it. So think about those behaviors that you really appreciated in the beginning and then think about some things that you would just love if they would do for you.
And I want you to write them all down and then we’ll regroup.
So we’ve talked about sharing behaviors caring behaviors or behaviors we give each other that make us feel loved and appreciated and cared about. That’s it.
I hope this article helps you to understand a relationship and how we can fix it. If you enjoyed this article then don’t forget to share with your friends.